The Transition from 1 to 2 kids

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while, even before Mason was born. The questions that swirled in my head were constant. How would Sophia react to a sibling actually being here? How would it change the family dynamics? How would we keep everyone on a schedule? And many more, but in reality all those questions were put to rest as soon as we brought Mason home.

For me, the transition from 0-1 was much harder than 1-2 because you truly have no clue what you’re in for when you become a parent. There is no doubt that it’s both beautiful and stressful, incredible and hard, exhausting (it’s still exhausting) and a slew of other emotions. All those emotions are still there the second time around, but you are more prepared mentally for what you’re in for during the newborn stage. When Sophia was about 1-2 weeks old, I had no idea that she would be gassy and uncomfortable as her tummy was growing. I kept blaming myself for what I was eating since I was breastfeeding and felt terrible that I didn’t know that it was normal. Second time around, I was prepared with gas drops, windi tools and a much more relaxed attitude for the first couple weeks because I knew he would outgrow it, that there are a lot of things I can do to help pass the gas and most of all, it wasn’t terrible if I had something spicy!

There are 3 years between Sophia and Mason – to me a wonderful age gap, but hard as well. She was just shy of 2.5 when I started to tell her about becoming a big sister and telling her how she would help me. I will say the toddler phase has been the hardest for me – emotions are on overdrive, my patience is very thin and being near mommy is at an all time high. Sophia adores her little brother – seriously enamored by him and he can do no wrong in her eyes. However, the middle of the night feedings weren’t quite as easy for her to understand. She wanted to be near me when she heard Mason cry and that meant she was waking up once a night and sitting next to me because she missed me. I knew it was something she would outgrow, eventually she would learn that she was tired if she kept waking up in the middle of the night and more than anything, I am still around even if I am feeding Mason. We still struggle with Sophia only wanting me when Mason needs me, but from everything I read, I try to never place blame on Mason needing me and more so just on the time it will take for me to be with her. For example I say, as soon as mommy is finished feeding Mason, I will play that game with you. Do I lose my cool – 100%. Is it hard to see her wanting me and not being able to be there right at that moment – 100%, but again it’s temporary.

I mentioned how strict I am about schedules and I knew that I wanted Mason on one as soon as we got home from the hospital. We have stuck to that for a variety of reasons, but the main one being that bedtime could be the same for both of them. It makes it easier for Gary and I, but also will grow with them as they get older to go to bed at the same time. These schedules also really help when we are going anywhere – I know exactly when he needs to eat, nap & what the car ride might be like if any of those things are late. Best example I have from going 1-2 kids is how quickly we left the house after birth. With Sophia, it took Gary and I nearly 4 weeks to venture anywhere with Sophia that wasn’t the pediatrician- I was terrified of feeding her in public, her screaming and just about anything that could go wrong. With Mason, we all went to a fair when he was 7 days old! I fed him in the car and he napped the entire time we were out!

Second kids sort of have no choice but to go with the flow of their older siblings, especially when they are infants and tiny! I can dedicate a lot of 1:1 time with Sophia because Mason doesn’t really know any different. He is perfectly content playing on his mat alone for 20 minutes and everyone is happy! I also think because I am more mellow, he senses that and he’s more mellow. With Sophia, I feel like I cried almost as much as she did in the beginning because I was so unsure and I think that may have stressed her out as well. Having Mason has really mellowed me out and now Sophia reaps the rewards of that as well because I am able to let her be a little bit more. Don’t get me wrong, I still think 90% of my daily interactions with Sophia are telling her things she shouldn’t do.

One of the biggest differences that I had from 1 to 2 kids, was how early I introduced a bottle to Mason. I was told not to introduce too early as to avoid confusion and with Sophia I figured she would take to a bottle no problem, but after 8 weeks and only then introducing her to one, she was not having it. We tried every bottle under the sun, we tried every trick and we even hired a bottle consultant – it exists and I spent money on it! I knew I didn’t want that headache and stress with Mason so after 2 weeks, I introduced the bottle and he has never had confusion and I don’t have stress when I leave the house feeling like I have to rush back to feed him. I also started pumping a lot sooner to create a freezer stash for when I start going back into the office. Something I regret not doing with Sophia because I always felt like I needed to pump to have enough milk for the next day. Just a few lessons learned second time around.

I am so grateful for the help my family has provided us with and afforded us and aside from toddlerhood being exhausting for me mentally and testing my patience daily, I am grateful for the bond that Sophia already shares with Mason. He finds her hilarious and she will do just about anything to get him to smile! From the moment he came home, it has felt like he completed our family!